“I turned down $100 million to do a 30-second spot with LeBron,” the superstar told us, “I don’t that kind of drama. All he does is whine and cry.”

The spot was for the Dollar Shave Club, which has been trying desperately to legitimize its terrible razors for years. “We feel like we have a good product,” said CEO Joe Barron, “and we’re hoping Shaq will set aside his intolerance for LeBron’s tantrums and join us.”

That seems unlikely, however, as Shaq was heard describing LeBron as “an overrated baby whose claim to fame is falling down a lot.”

ALLOD Sportsball Analysticator Tara Newhole says she can’t find any evidence that the story is even remotely true. “I asked Michael Jordan,” she said, and he said you dickbags wrote the same story about him last week.”

We can confirm that a nearly identical story about Jordan and James was quite popular last week, but it was more specific to the Super Bowl, which means we won’t be able to repost it in June as effectively. For that, Shaq, we thank you.

Just another day in the lives of celebrities, patriots. God Bless America.